Denial surrenders the battle

Two people that I love very much have grave health issues. They are choosing not to face those issues, but rather live in a denial of sorts.

One needs oxygen to make it easier on his body because he has COPD - Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disorder - but resists the need for oxygen as if giving into the canister of life-giving substance somehow reduces him, makes him an invalid. The truth is that without the oxygen he is much more of an invalid. Because of his stubbornness he is making his body work so much harder and probably ultimately denying his family his presence for a longer period of time. He also insists on doing too much, over-extending himself. We watch helplessly.

The other has just been diagnosed with a blockage in an artery of her brain. Rather than accept the offered help of her family, she chooses to continue on as if nothing has changed. No help around the house. No reduction in her activities. No giving in. Or so she thinks.

The truth is that while they both feel they are acting bravely, they are really simply sabotaging themselves. Any great general would tell you that it does no good to fight an enemy without admitting that enemy's strengths. Any disease has a certain power over you, and simply denying or refusing to recognize that power in essence increased it's power.

Marching into battle pretending that the enemy doesn't have cannons or that there aren't archers in the bushes shooting arrows at your army doesn't make any sense, yet repeatedly I've seen sick people just ignore their illness, thinking that somehow they will prevail.

Doesn't it make far more sense to do everything you can to help your body fight the disease? Rest when you need to. Reduce the stress of everyday living by accepting the help of others. Put the oxygen mask on and inhale deeply. Take your meds without complaint. In many cases, they keep you alive.

Most of the time, sick people get angry at being sick. Of course they do. It's something to get mad about. However, I lived through being the fall guy once, watched others take the heat for their loved ones anger and now am watching it happen again. While I completely understand the anger, I wish I could make the ones I love understand that pushing away the support of your family and letting your anger out on them, isn't the right way to go.

This is a very personal post, but there are lessons in it. For the healthy who are dealing with a sick person, try to hang in there and give them the support they will so often try to resist, but don't let yourself become a whipping post. If you are dealing with an illness yourself, try to think of it as a battle that can be won, at least to some degree and remember that it is painful for those who love you not to be allowed to help.

And for those of you who don't fall into either category, thank your lucky stars!