What is Offensive?

Yesterday, I spent a couple of hours trying to mentally exonerate myself for having made a statement that offended someone of whom I’m very fond. I lost the argument with myself.

In describing someone we were discussing, I started to say something, thought better of it, then decided to go ahead, but not before uttering the following: “This is going to sound terrible. But I can say this to you guys.”

Then I stumbled into the mire by following that with this, “She’s like a little old Jewish lady.” My mental image was of the Linda Richman character, his real life mother-in-law, that Mike Myers parodied on Saturday Night Live. But, of course, that’s not what came out of my mouth.

So, I argued with myself. First, I defended myself with the fact my family is multi-racial and multi-ethnic, including the Jewish ethnicity. Therefore, since my friends knew this, I couldn’t possibly be making a prejudiced statement.

What? I will blanketly say that everyone is prejudiced; all people, with the possible exception of actual saints. It is human nature to fear the unknown, and that it the genesis of most prejudice. I firmly believe that it is our responsibility as human beings to fight our own prejudices fervently.

That being said, what my own statement revealed to me was that my first reaction to the phrase “little old Jewish lady” would be Mike Myers’ caricature, in spite of the fact that I know two lovely women who would technically qualify for the phrase, but are both in reality, nothing like Linda Richman.

Secondly, the fact that the person we were discussing – gossiping about, actually – was not someone we liked. Therefore, the statement had to be negative.

At its core, the comment I made was prejudiced, although it wasn’t my intent to offend. Intent is not the determining factor here. Result is.

So, in essence, I learned a valuable lesson, one I am so surprised to have realized at this late date and after years of being offended at the thoughtless comments of others. I apologize to my friend and hope that others, who read this, may be inspired to examine their own reconceived notions about races, ethnicities and other ways of life.