Recently someone forwarded me a list of life lessons a 90-year-old journalist had published again after many requests for the column. It was a very insightful list of things to remember as you go through life. I’d love to share it here but haven’t been able to find the woman to get permission. In the meantime, I’ve come up with a few of my own insights to share – not nearly as meaningful, but perhaps helpful to the over 50 crowd.
1. If your daughter asks to borrow something you wear regularly, give it to her. It’s obviously not age-appropriate for you. The only exceptions would be earrings.
2. Past the age of fifty, allot 10 percent of your mental energy and time to finding things, remembering why you came into a room and picking up things that seem to fall with no help from you at all. If you plan on it, you won’t be nearly as frustrated by it. Instead, you’ll find yourself chalking it up to your very clever plan.
3. If, by chance, you live or adventure in a motor home, be sure to buy a box of those surgical gloves (you can find them in drugstores) to wear when you dump your sewage tank so you won’t have to spend the next seven days wondering if you have managed to contaminate yourself.
4. When you are lucky enough to spend time with people under the age of 25 leave all your comments about the younger generation behind and just try to enjoy their energy. It’s better than a drink from the fountain of youth.
5. Don’t weigh yourself down with things you’re done with but worry that the kids might want someday when you kick off. Have a family yard sale and drag all that stuff out to the driveway. If they want it, they’ll let you know and take it home right then. Problem solved, space saved.
6. Give things away, in general. There’s always someone you know who collects coffee cups or treasures a perfume you just can’t wear or reads voraciously. Except for truly exceptional books, what are you saving them for? You’ll feel lighter with every item you send back out into the Universe.
7. Cherish every piece of love and affection that comes your way.
8. This is the time in life when you don’t have to examine everything to make sure it fits just right, that it’s acceptable to everyone in the world. If it feels good and it isn’t hurting anyone – go for it.
That’s it, for now, except that I advise buying the surgical gloves anyway. You never know when you’ll need to do something that will leave you feeling a little yucky – heaving the neighbor’s dog’s “gift” back over his fence, for instance. I’m just saying.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 22, 2009
The Passive-Aggressors and How to Survive Them
You’ve run into this type, even if you haven’t known the correct name for them. Most everyone displays some kind of passive aggression, but these folks make it their “normal” behavior.
How to spot a passive aggressive type, who I’ll call Patty for this exercise:
• Look for a fake smile plastered on Patty’s face while she delivers a criticism disguised as a joke, making it more difficult to challenge her snide remark.
• Patty is almost always the last to voice their objections, after taking the temperatures of others, and usually wait until it’s too late to do anything about them to say anything. You’re already at the Chinese restaurant when she tells the group that she’s “allergic” to Chinese food.
• Patty can usually be found lying in wait until there is a crowd around to attack. There’s safety in numbers. She gets the benefit of making the other guy look like a fool, and usually walks away without the angry response she might get if she and her prey weren’t in the company of others.
• Patty is a pro at finding small ways to sabotage the efforts of others, but making it look like she’s in full support of them. Sly comments breed suspicions in co-workers or family members, undermining the effectiveness of the one in charge of a project or event.
• Basically, Patty is a poop with the skills it takes to hide that fact.
How can you handle the Pattys in your life? While, there are two tactics I’ve found that work very well, if you can manage to contain your irritation long enough.
One is to refuse to engage. When you get the “joke” comment from Patty, walk away or just look back at her as blankly as you possibly can. This will create an uncomfortable tension that is exactly what Patty has been trying to avoid by coming at you in a passive way.
The other is to rise above it all and be very direct. For instance, if suddenly, after all the decisions have been made and the reservations placed for the Chinese restaurant and you’re all sitting down to a meal Patty drops her allergy on the group, take a moment to focus on her, then ask as emotion-free as possible, “Why didn’t you say something before?” Patty will be surprised and probably fumble to find some answers that usually revolve around martyrdom like “I didn’t want to spoil everyone’s fun.” If she pulls that one out, you might want to counter with “Interesting.” That will leave her nonplussed.
Essentially, taking the invisible wind out of Patty’s invisible sails once or twice will alter her behavior because it isn’t getting the desired results.
Good luck. This may be one of the most useful life lessons I ever pass on to you.
How to spot a passive aggressive type, who I’ll call Patty for this exercise:
• Look for a fake smile plastered on Patty’s face while she delivers a criticism disguised as a joke, making it more difficult to challenge her snide remark.
• Patty is almost always the last to voice their objections, after taking the temperatures of others, and usually wait until it’s too late to do anything about them to say anything. You’re already at the Chinese restaurant when she tells the group that she’s “allergic” to Chinese food.
• Patty can usually be found lying in wait until there is a crowd around to attack. There’s safety in numbers. She gets the benefit of making the other guy look like a fool, and usually walks away without the angry response she might get if she and her prey weren’t in the company of others.
• Patty is a pro at finding small ways to sabotage the efforts of others, but making it look like she’s in full support of them. Sly comments breed suspicions in co-workers or family members, undermining the effectiveness of the one in charge of a project or event.
• Basically, Patty is a poop with the skills it takes to hide that fact.
How can you handle the Pattys in your life? While, there are two tactics I’ve found that work very well, if you can manage to contain your irritation long enough.
One is to refuse to engage. When you get the “joke” comment from Patty, walk away or just look back at her as blankly as you possibly can. This will create an uncomfortable tension that is exactly what Patty has been trying to avoid by coming at you in a passive way.
The other is to rise above it all and be very direct. For instance, if suddenly, after all the decisions have been made and the reservations placed for the Chinese restaurant and you’re all sitting down to a meal Patty drops her allergy on the group, take a moment to focus on her, then ask as emotion-free as possible, “Why didn’t you say something before?” Patty will be surprised and probably fumble to find some answers that usually revolve around martyrdom like “I didn’t want to spoil everyone’s fun.” If she pulls that one out, you might want to counter with “Interesting.” That will leave her nonplussed.
Essentially, taking the invisible wind out of Patty’s invisible sails once or twice will alter her behavior because it isn’t getting the desired results.
Good luck. This may be one of the most useful life lessons I ever pass on to you.
I'm Back!
There have been a couple of inquiries lately as to when I planned on getting back to my blogs. Well, today’s the day! Although, I won’t post this until Monday, I’m sitting in Wanda, my RV, enjoying an absolutely beautiful Sunday. It can’t be more than 85 degrees, if that, at least here under the trees.
Having returned from vacation in Arizona three weeks ago, I’ve really appreciated the climate here. It was already 105 degrees in Phoenix on Memorial Day, but my daughter, whom I was visiting, and I did get away to Prescott where the temperatures were 25 degrees cooler, day and night.
I think it was the temperature changes that brought on the Mother-of-All-Colds. Yow! I was really miserable for two weeks solid.
That, however, has no relationship to why I’ve been away and frankly, I’m not really sure what the whole story is, because I truly love writing my blogs. Two things coincided – I finished the novel I’d been working on for three years and I started therapy. Did my brain just decide I was finished on one hand and occupy itself with figuring out the complex workings the Kathy-being on the other? Don’t really know, but I do know just typing this is relieving a certain stress and giving back to me what it always does – a sense of expression.
So, now it’s onward, as they say! Glad to be back and don’t be too surprised if you see a lot more action on my two-blog sites. A good friend suggested I market them a little more and I plan to do just that. So, hang on for what I hope will be a wild and happy ride!
Thanks for hanging in there with me, all you faithful and regular readers, who number over one hundred by the way!
Having returned from vacation in Arizona three weeks ago, I’ve really appreciated the climate here. It was already 105 degrees in Phoenix on Memorial Day, but my daughter, whom I was visiting, and I did get away to Prescott where the temperatures were 25 degrees cooler, day and night.
I think it was the temperature changes that brought on the Mother-of-All-Colds. Yow! I was really miserable for two weeks solid.
That, however, has no relationship to why I’ve been away and frankly, I’m not really sure what the whole story is, because I truly love writing my blogs. Two things coincided – I finished the novel I’d been working on for three years and I started therapy. Did my brain just decide I was finished on one hand and occupy itself with figuring out the complex workings the Kathy-being on the other? Don’t really know, but I do know just typing this is relieving a certain stress and giving back to me what it always does – a sense of expression.
So, now it’s onward, as they say! Glad to be back and don’t be too surprised if you see a lot more action on my two-blog sites. A good friend suggested I market them a little more and I plan to do just that. So, hang on for what I hope will be a wild and happy ride!
Thanks for hanging in there with me, all you faithful and regular readers, who number over one hundred by the way!
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