Security Is An Illusion

Adults know when they see children clutching a tattered old blanket that what we call a security blanket actually offers no real security for the child. It is simply an illusion that we are willing to allow the child to hold on to up to a certain age, then we struggle to take away their security blanket, ostensibly because they are old enough to do without.

Strangely enough, in my experience, most adults also cling to security blankets, although they are called a "good job", 401 K, pension plans and the like. Even more often, having been in one place for so that the employee believes there are no more unknowns he or she is lured into a false sense of security. Then there's the earnest conviction that all the horrible things that hit the newspapers and television "couldn't possibly happen to me."

That's what makes it so devastating when someone's pension plan is cut from $180,000 per year to $21,000 or they lose their job based on a false accusation from another employee. What? Why? How?

I've learned the lesson of "false security" three times in my life, and I still occasionally grasp at something that feels secure and relax. There's nothing wrong with relaxing, but it should be because you accept that things change and nothing is ever forever.

Let me explain. My family and I lived through the Northridge earthquake in California, and as an aftermath, I found myself living in fear of the next one. While our apartment rolled as if we were on the deck of a small ship in a stormy sea, the reality of what was happening shook me to the core. There was nothing I could do except wait for it to pass. We tried to walk to the front door, but were knocked down. Even when it stopped, we were trapped until some neighbors broke down our front door. I had absolutely no control over anything that early January morning. There was no such thing as security at that point.

Then my husband, Pete, passed away at 51 from a combination of heart disease and diabetes. Nothing we tried helped, and after a year of angst I accepted the fact that he was going to die. He did and my partner, whom I had planned to live with until we were both old and feeble, left me alone. I had no sense of security anymore. Whatever was to be in the future, would be without my rock, my friend, my husband.

Finally, when 9/11 happened any remnants of a security blanket I might have clung to evaporated in the explosions of the Twin Towers. I was not alone. Many struggled to find something to hold on to.

But our memories are so short in many ways, thankfully, and we begin to build our lives again and hold on to nonsense. Acceptance that things will change no matter what we plan on is, in my opinion, the best way to get through life. It allows you to live in the now, because in truth, the moment is all we are guaranteed. This moment, right now. Nothing else.

Why did I think this was important to express? Because all around me people are dealing with lost jobs, lost homes, lost partners, all things in which at one time they felt secure. It is a lovely illusion, but only that.

So, instead treasure the unexpected smile or the peace and quiet of a summer morning. Live in the moment, as much as you can. It will pay off big dividends in the end.

Postscript: I found this wonderful quote today and just had to add it to this post. Helen Keller said, "Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing."