Clearing My Head

As some of you may have noticed, I've been away. A road trip to LA and a plane trip to Phoenix, of all places. But that's not really what I mean. I've been taking a break from writing, which has been welcome but unintentional.

When I finished my first draft of my novel in early October, I felt as if I'd just done a marathon, and I had, of sorts. I had just completed 100 pages in less than two months. That's the fastest I've ever written - long term. I found myself mentally and creatively exhausted. So, I ended up neglecting everything, including my journal, which I've been very diligent about for months now.

I have a very dear friend, who will recognize herself in this simple advice, "Take care of yourself and give yourself time." I took her advice, offered long ago for a completely different situation, and now I find myself raring to go again. I'm half-way through my first rewrite and on schedule to begin marketing my book when the new year begins.

Not only am I ready for rewriting, but this weekend, inspiration came to me again, (or Shirley for those of you who remember my muse's name)and I'm working on a short story as well as being driven to blog again.

I think sometimes we pushed ourselves to do too much in too short a time frame and end up not doing anything well, and perhaps more importantly, not enjoying life. Time is an abstract notion that we tie ourselves to, chained to minutes and hours that have no real meaning in our lives.

Forgive me, I've been reading Eckart Tolle's book "A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose." This is a fabulous book, but very difficult read, which has me re-examining everything. I highly recommend it, but don't strive to read and understand everything right away. At first I had to take numerous breaks, in order to absorb the very deep insinuations about how we live and what is reality. A good bookmark and ten minutes of quiet time daily should get you through it nicely in a month or two. As you'll see when you read it, there's no real hurry to most things in life - so why rush to the end of a book that will give you lots to think about on nearly every page.

And please forgive me my absence - but I'm back now. I'd love to read your comments on this blog once in a while. There are lots of you that read it, at last count about 200 readers, but few comments. Feel free to disagree too.

Wishing you a lovely respite from whatever you have overdone lately!

The World According to Technophobes

A few weeks ago, I was in an antique store and the guy on duty behind the counter was busy playing solitaire with a deck of cards. I mentioned that I played solitaire on my computer and was met by a grimace and “harummph,” indicating that the computer solitaire wasn’t real solitaire.

First, I wondered what made it so much more legitimate to manually flip cards over; not something that requires magnificent skill in my mind. Then I made the connection; he was discounting it because a computer – or technology – was involved.

I have been exposed to a number of technophobes in the past few months, which I’ve borne with as much equanimity has I could muster. However, yesterday a conversation with some co-workers, about how wonderful the internet is, sparked me to remember just how much my life has changed for the better since its inception (as well as that of others who embrace rather than discard technology.)

I probably appreciated technology the most as a reporter. First, the internet made fact-checking and information gathering a whiz. I couldn’t imagine the lives of those who had gone before and had to make trips to a library to get their articles together. Don’t get me wrong – I love libraries. However, being able to Google (see, even our language has changed radically as a result of the advance of computer sciences) something, and receive hundreds of thousands of references, transformed the art of journalism and many other disciplines.

While being able to email someone has reduced the amount of real mail we receive, most people would trade off instant communications for the aesthetics of receiving the occasional letter. Now, it seems, our biggest problem in this regard, is not becoming a slave to our email. Culling through the spam and irritating fluff emails can be annoying. Still, I’d never want to have to go back to having only the options of mail, telephone or, God forbid, telegraph messages.

Cell phones are the most maligned of the newer electronic devices. I often hear sarcastic remarks like: “What in the world did we ever do without cell phones?” Actually, this is an easy question to answer. We worried about our spouses and children when they didn’t get home when we expected them, where now we dial them for an update. We got to the grocery store and forgot what it was we needed and usually went home without a critical item, when now we can just call home for help. We got stranded on a lonely road in the middle of the night and were dependent on a stranger to come along and help us out, instead of being able to call the police or AAA.

Now, let’s talk about one of my favorite technological advances – the digital camera. How freeing is it to snap shot after shot, never having to worry about running out of film or the expense of printing all the horrible pictures along with the few gems? I have gotten the best photos by simply shooting several of every possible scenario. In the old days, I’d have to be very careful not to waste film. Also, I can now store all my photo on my computer, email copies to others, print only the ones I want and take an unlimited number of shots. Wow!

There are so many more innovations – Ipods, camera phones, GPS devices – it would take forever to cover all the enhancements that technology has and continues to provide. I, for one, am thrilled to be living in the age of technology.

I wonder what they will call this period in 100 years?

Are Thoughts Magnetic?

An incredible experience led me to suddenly considered the idea that perhaps thoughts do have a sort of magnetism to them.

I had been mulling over a problem at work, in which I was having trouble communicating with someone who was trying to train me. The frustration level on both sides was increasing and something had to be done. Sunday morning, I awoke with the answer in my head, which was amazing clear and concise.

"She's verbal and I'm visual!" With that mental statement, an incredible sense of relief came over me. In essence, my trainer was prone to trying to explain things without any written instructions, simply through telling me. I'm sure that works well for those who are basically verbal. For me, it had been pure torture. I need to "see" it and also to be able to refer to it again, in writing.

What made this discovery such a happy one for me was what happened after that revelation. I was literally swamped with realizations from my past. Things that had bothered me over the years and this simple understanding explained them.

For instance, it has always mystified me that I can sing along with a song or hear it over and over; yet I'm unable to memorize it. I have always been annoyed by that and even thought I was perhaps disabled in some way. This ah-ha moment enlightened me. Now, if I want to learn a song, I'll look it up on the internet, print out the lyrics and memorize it.

The rushing of thoughts continued and I had a mental image of a large round magnet as the first thought and all of these subsequent thoughts flowing towards it as if by the pull of an unseen force - magnetism.

As probably many of you know, there is a theory (expounded by many throughout the ages, but most recently in a book called "The Secret"), that what you think about you bring to you. After this experience, I'm even more prone to believe that this is true.

I wonder sometimes, if we have thoughts that gather others along with them and we just don't perceive the connections; that perhaps we are "turned off, and tuned out" as hippies used to say. Perhaps, thoughts are invisible but have an unknown physicality to them? Hummm...gives a whole new meaning to the term "woolgathering", a decidedly physical description of daydreaming or cogitating.

Happy thoughts to all of you and may your mental magnet be in full force!

For A Sanity Break -Try Blogging

Okay, most of you out there are not writers, so why would you want to blog? Good question. Let me see if I can explain the benefits.

As a writer, blogging has been a lifesaver. It has allowed me to keep my hand in and get instant gratification, while I tackle two huge projects that will take a while to come to fruition - one is a novel and the other an intricate website. Not only do I get to write on a regular basis, but because I've put a google analysis tool on my blogs, which tells me people are reading them, I know my words are not falling off into dead space.

For that reason only, a blog may be just right for you, the average Joe or Josephine. Do you have an opinion on who won the Vice Presidential Debates? Wouldn't you love to express that view without starting World War III at work or with relatives? How about your love of creating new and unique desserts? Wouldn't you love to display pictures of those fancy cakes and cupcakes you made for your latest soiree'? You could upload photos and also include the recipes.

Really, this forum is good for so many people. Recently an AARP email reported that 20 million people in the US read blogs everyday and even more surprising, 12 million have blogs of their own. What does that say to you? There are a lot of people with something to say or share and even more who are interested.

So, if you've got a hobby, a pet peeve, a desire to write daily, a special window on the world or any tiny part of it, then you might want to consider blogging.

This is extremely easy to do and it's free. Come on all you would-be bloggers, give it a try! What have you got to lose?

Tell Them You’re Fabulous

It’s a standard greeting – How are you? You’ll hear it in the morning when you step through the doors of your place of employment and all through the day as you progress through your list of chores.

Well, I recently had an encounter with a grocery clerk that made me realize just how rote the whole thing has become and how easy it is to turn that around.

A young man, probably 25 or so, was checking me out at the local Trader Joes and asked how I was. I replied, “I’m fabulous.” The checker took a second look at me and proceeded into a lengthy conversation that was both interesting and uplifting. We were left with that instant bond you sometimes feel with a perfect stranger, knowing that you both just shared a moment, never to be returned to, but valuable in itself.

I have often told people I’m fabulous, in answer to that proverbial question, with varying degrees of emphasis on the “fabulous.” It often floats right over some people’s heads, but frequently causes others to stop for a moment and ask themselves why. What does this woman have to be so happy about? Why is she fabulous and I’m not feeling it so much?

Sometimes it lightens the other person’s day, but it almost always lightens mine because as the words leave my mouth, I suddenly feel fabulous. The word itself brings a certain “over-the-top” sensation with it. Not okay, not fine, not good, not even great, but fabulous!

Terrific would work. So would “absolutely wonderful!” As long as the sense of joy in life, being at the top of your game and at one with the Universe is projected, it’s all good.

For those days when you’re not feeling fabulous, few as they may be, ever heard of the expression “Fake it until you make it”? Pretending you’re fabulous may just get you there.

Things Change, But Not Really

I left Arizona in March and my daughter, Vanessa, stayed behind. Just this past weekend she came to visit for the first time. That six-month period was our first separation. At the age of 24, I guess it was probably time for Vanessa, but I'm not sure there's ever a right time for a parent.

The time apart was pure agony for me. I realized when I picked her up at the airport why. Somewhere in the back of my head I was afraid of losing her. I can remember having the same feelings when my son left me for the Marines at 4:30 a.m. one morning years ago.

The minute Vanessa got in the car I realized I hadn't lost a thing. Everything felt the same, and the months fell away in an instant.

I think that people resist change primarily because they are afraid of loss. What could be lost varies depending on the individual and their circumstances. The greater the value of what is at risk, the greater the resistance to change becomes. For me, the loss of my child, on any level, was really tough and frankly I'm surprised I finally left Arizona.

Because of the heat, I was always miserable six months out of the year in that state. I know others who love the heat, but I actually suffered from Seasonal Affective Disorder, which usually occurs in cold, harsh winter climates like the Northeast. It was ultimately that dissatisfaction with the weather that drove me back to California, my home state.

But really, was the heat enough of a problem for me to give up regular contact with my only daughter? Apparently, it was. Anyone who has read my posts regularly knows I believe in the mysterious workings of the Universe and so I find myself wondering if the Universe was looking out for me or both of us. Vanessa has had to deal with her car being melted by a car that caught on fire while parked next to hers, moving from her own apartment into a house shared with three other young women and finally losing a job and starting a new one. Perhaps, she was meant to work through these things on her own.

Don't get me wrong. We talk. We talk all the time. But it's not the same as having your family around to hang out with, collect hugs from when needed or simply give you the assurance that you're not alone.

I miss her again already and hope that someday we'll be in at least the same state. However, one thing I know now that I didn't realize over the past six months - Things change, but not really.

Security Is An Illusion

Adults know when they see children clutching a tattered old blanket that what we call a security blanket actually offers no real security for the child. It is simply an illusion that we are willing to allow the child to hold on to up to a certain age, then we struggle to take away their security blanket, ostensibly because they are old enough to do without.

Strangely enough, in my experience, most adults also cling to security blankets, although they are called a "good job", 401 K, pension plans and the like. Even more often, having been in one place for so that the employee believes there are no more unknowns he or she is lured into a false sense of security. Then there's the earnest conviction that all the horrible things that hit the newspapers and television "couldn't possibly happen to me."

That's what makes it so devastating when someone's pension plan is cut from $180,000 per year to $21,000 or they lose their job based on a false accusation from another employee. What? Why? How?

I've learned the lesson of "false security" three times in my life, and I still occasionally grasp at something that feels secure and relax. There's nothing wrong with relaxing, but it should be because you accept that things change and nothing is ever forever.

Let me explain. My family and I lived through the Northridge earthquake in California, and as an aftermath, I found myself living in fear of the next one. While our apartment rolled as if we were on the deck of a small ship in a stormy sea, the reality of what was happening shook me to the core. There was nothing I could do except wait for it to pass. We tried to walk to the front door, but were knocked down. Even when it stopped, we were trapped until some neighbors broke down our front door. I had absolutely no control over anything that early January morning. There was no such thing as security at that point.

Then my husband, Pete, passed away at 51 from a combination of heart disease and diabetes. Nothing we tried helped, and after a year of angst I accepted the fact that he was going to die. He did and my partner, whom I had planned to live with until we were both old and feeble, left me alone. I had no sense of security anymore. Whatever was to be in the future, would be without my rock, my friend, my husband.

Finally, when 9/11 happened any remnants of a security blanket I might have clung to evaporated in the explosions of the Twin Towers. I was not alone. Many struggled to find something to hold on to.

But our memories are so short in many ways, thankfully, and we begin to build our lives again and hold on to nonsense. Acceptance that things will change no matter what we plan on is, in my opinion, the best way to get through life. It allows you to live in the now, because in truth, the moment is all we are guaranteed. This moment, right now. Nothing else.

Why did I think this was important to express? Because all around me people are dealing with lost jobs, lost homes, lost partners, all things in which at one time they felt secure. It is a lovely illusion, but only that.

So, instead treasure the unexpected smile or the peace and quiet of a summer morning. Live in the moment, as much as you can. It will pay off big dividends in the end.

Postscript: I found this wonderful quote today and just had to add it to this post. Helen Keller said, "Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing."