For A Sanity Break -Try Blogging

Okay, most of you out there are not writers, so why would you want to blog? Good question. Let me see if I can explain the benefits.

As a writer, blogging has been a lifesaver. It has allowed me to keep my hand in and get instant gratification, while I tackle two huge projects that will take a while to come to fruition - one is a novel and the other an intricate website. Not only do I get to write on a regular basis, but because I've put a google analysis tool on my blogs, which tells me people are reading them, I know my words are not falling off into dead space.

For that reason only, a blog may be just right for you, the average Joe or Josephine. Do you have an opinion on who won the Vice Presidential Debates? Wouldn't you love to express that view without starting World War III at work or with relatives? How about your love of creating new and unique desserts? Wouldn't you love to display pictures of those fancy cakes and cupcakes you made for your latest soiree'? You could upload photos and also include the recipes.

Really, this forum is good for so many people. Recently an AARP email reported that 20 million people in the US read blogs everyday and even more surprising, 12 million have blogs of their own. What does that say to you? There are a lot of people with something to say or share and even more who are interested.

So, if you've got a hobby, a pet peeve, a desire to write daily, a special window on the world or any tiny part of it, then you might want to consider blogging.

This is extremely easy to do and it's free. Come on all you would-be bloggers, give it a try! What have you got to lose?

Tell Them You’re Fabulous

It’s a standard greeting – How are you? You’ll hear it in the morning when you step through the doors of your place of employment and all through the day as you progress through your list of chores.

Well, I recently had an encounter with a grocery clerk that made me realize just how rote the whole thing has become and how easy it is to turn that around.

A young man, probably 25 or so, was checking me out at the local Trader Joes and asked how I was. I replied, “I’m fabulous.” The checker took a second look at me and proceeded into a lengthy conversation that was both interesting and uplifting. We were left with that instant bond you sometimes feel with a perfect stranger, knowing that you both just shared a moment, never to be returned to, but valuable in itself.

I have often told people I’m fabulous, in answer to that proverbial question, with varying degrees of emphasis on the “fabulous.” It often floats right over some people’s heads, but frequently causes others to stop for a moment and ask themselves why. What does this woman have to be so happy about? Why is she fabulous and I’m not feeling it so much?

Sometimes it lightens the other person’s day, but it almost always lightens mine because as the words leave my mouth, I suddenly feel fabulous. The word itself brings a certain “over-the-top” sensation with it. Not okay, not fine, not good, not even great, but fabulous!

Terrific would work. So would “absolutely wonderful!” As long as the sense of joy in life, being at the top of your game and at one with the Universe is projected, it’s all good.

For those days when you’re not feeling fabulous, few as they may be, ever heard of the expression “Fake it until you make it”? Pretending you’re fabulous may just get you there.

Things Change, But Not Really

I left Arizona in March and my daughter, Vanessa, stayed behind. Just this past weekend she came to visit for the first time. That six-month period was our first separation. At the age of 24, I guess it was probably time for Vanessa, but I'm not sure there's ever a right time for a parent.

The time apart was pure agony for me. I realized when I picked her up at the airport why. Somewhere in the back of my head I was afraid of losing her. I can remember having the same feelings when my son left me for the Marines at 4:30 a.m. one morning years ago.

The minute Vanessa got in the car I realized I hadn't lost a thing. Everything felt the same, and the months fell away in an instant.

I think that people resist change primarily because they are afraid of loss. What could be lost varies depending on the individual and their circumstances. The greater the value of what is at risk, the greater the resistance to change becomes. For me, the loss of my child, on any level, was really tough and frankly I'm surprised I finally left Arizona.

Because of the heat, I was always miserable six months out of the year in that state. I know others who love the heat, but I actually suffered from Seasonal Affective Disorder, which usually occurs in cold, harsh winter climates like the Northeast. It was ultimately that dissatisfaction with the weather that drove me back to California, my home state.

But really, was the heat enough of a problem for me to give up regular contact with my only daughter? Apparently, it was. Anyone who has read my posts regularly knows I believe in the mysterious workings of the Universe and so I find myself wondering if the Universe was looking out for me or both of us. Vanessa has had to deal with her car being melted by a car that caught on fire while parked next to hers, moving from her own apartment into a house shared with three other young women and finally losing a job and starting a new one. Perhaps, she was meant to work through these things on her own.

Don't get me wrong. We talk. We talk all the time. But it's not the same as having your family around to hang out with, collect hugs from when needed or simply give you the assurance that you're not alone.

I miss her again already and hope that someday we'll be in at least the same state. However, one thing I know now that I didn't realize over the past six months - Things change, but not really.

Security Is An Illusion

Adults know when they see children clutching a tattered old blanket that what we call a security blanket actually offers no real security for the child. It is simply an illusion that we are willing to allow the child to hold on to up to a certain age, then we struggle to take away their security blanket, ostensibly because they are old enough to do without.

Strangely enough, in my experience, most adults also cling to security blankets, although they are called a "good job", 401 K, pension plans and the like. Even more often, having been in one place for so that the employee believes there are no more unknowns he or she is lured into a false sense of security. Then there's the earnest conviction that all the horrible things that hit the newspapers and television "couldn't possibly happen to me."

That's what makes it so devastating when someone's pension plan is cut from $180,000 per year to $21,000 or they lose their job based on a false accusation from another employee. What? Why? How?

I've learned the lesson of "false security" three times in my life, and I still occasionally grasp at something that feels secure and relax. There's nothing wrong with relaxing, but it should be because you accept that things change and nothing is ever forever.

Let me explain. My family and I lived through the Northridge earthquake in California, and as an aftermath, I found myself living in fear of the next one. While our apartment rolled as if we were on the deck of a small ship in a stormy sea, the reality of what was happening shook me to the core. There was nothing I could do except wait for it to pass. We tried to walk to the front door, but were knocked down. Even when it stopped, we were trapped until some neighbors broke down our front door. I had absolutely no control over anything that early January morning. There was no such thing as security at that point.

Then my husband, Pete, passed away at 51 from a combination of heart disease and diabetes. Nothing we tried helped, and after a year of angst I accepted the fact that he was going to die. He did and my partner, whom I had planned to live with until we were both old and feeble, left me alone. I had no sense of security anymore. Whatever was to be in the future, would be without my rock, my friend, my husband.

Finally, when 9/11 happened any remnants of a security blanket I might have clung to evaporated in the explosions of the Twin Towers. I was not alone. Many struggled to find something to hold on to.

But our memories are so short in many ways, thankfully, and we begin to build our lives again and hold on to nonsense. Acceptance that things will change no matter what we plan on is, in my opinion, the best way to get through life. It allows you to live in the now, because in truth, the moment is all we are guaranteed. This moment, right now. Nothing else.

Why did I think this was important to express? Because all around me people are dealing with lost jobs, lost homes, lost partners, all things in which at one time they felt secure. It is a lovely illusion, but only that.

So, instead treasure the unexpected smile or the peace and quiet of a summer morning. Live in the moment, as much as you can. It will pay off big dividends in the end.

Postscript: I found this wonderful quote today and just had to add it to this post. Helen Keller said, "Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing."

On Finishing A Thing

I have been working on my second novel for two years now, sporadically. It has gone through several major changes in direction, but most recently I changed it to a story about one person to a story about four. In the process I had to dump eight thousand words and 32 pages. I’ve recently added 80 pages and 16,000 words back, which made me take a hard look at how much further I had to go to finish a first draft.

I only need about 150 pages or less to finish the story and have a novel sized manuscript. That translates to about 30,000 words. I consistently write about 1000 words an hour. Do you realize that means I only have 30 more hours of writing to be done with my first draft?

In real life, that means if I focus for the next 30 days, and write one hour a day on the manuscript, I’ll be ready to start rewrites by the middle of September. That’s huge for me.

I wrote a novella in 1995, which is a manuscript that falls somewhere between a short story and a novel, in my case, at about 160 pages. It was called “Annie’s Man.”

I made the mistake of sending it off for a seal of approval to the wrong person. When it came back marked in red with grammatical corrections and no comments on the story, I was crushed and put it away. About a year ago, I pulled it back out and reread it. I cried three times. It was pretty darn good. It could use a rewrite, which is what I would have done back in 1995, with a little encouragement.

However, with the help of “The Artist’s Way” a book by Julia Cameron, I’ve slowly worked my way back into writing to completion. The book takes you through all the possible pitfalls, and the guidance is what I’ve needed to get to the end.

Now, admittedly, I’m not at the end yet. But I know I will be. And soon. For me, seeing the end of a thing is as good as finishing it. And that’s what I will do this time.

Parts of the book are good now. After the rewrite, I expect the novel will be quite good. This isn’t a big pat on the back for me, because I’ve come to the realization that my writing is something that comes from both inside and outside myself. Yes, the source for my stories comes from inside, the life I’ve lived and the situations I’ve been in, but the writing itself is often from another source. I choose to call it the Universe.

When I’m in rhythm with the Universe, and allow it to flow through me, the writing flows as well. There are times I write something, and go back to read it and don’t remember writing that passage. I’m awed by what’s on the page. That’s when I know that something besides me was at work.

However, finishing a thing is up to me. It is about not allowing myself to get in the way, to bull through the thing until it’s done. That has not occurred for me very often. It is the biggest battle of my life – completion.

This time, I really feel this novel is going to make it, big. And I will complete it no matter what. I give myself three months to rewrite it, so by the first of 2009, I’ll be sending it out to agents and editors.

So, now that I’ve put it in writing, I’ll have to follow through won’t I? So, we have a date. Look for an update after New Year’s Day. You can say you read me when I was just a blogger!

Progress Report - Life After High School

This beautiful young lady is my niece Molly, whose graduation inspired the beginning of this blog. In the picture she is talking with one of the children she helps to feed everyday in the Dominican Republic, and when possible provides some medical care.

She's on a mission through her church, not for the first time. I know she went last summer, as well, but also perhaps the summer before. Molly is a practicing Christian. I don't have a religious bone in my body, but I so admire her convictions and most of all, her actions.

After last year's mission, I asked her to share some of her pictures with me. I watched as she scrolled on her computer past the faces of smiling children, happy to get a meal and some beach scenes, but then she stopped on a picture that choked me with emotion. It still does, frankly.

The picture before showed her removing some skin from a child's burn with a razor blade. The next picture, which took my breath away, was a shot of Molly as she turned towards the camera, her expression hidden from the child. There was incredible empathy in her eyes and pain on her face. She felt for this child.

Molly wants to be a nurse. I hope with all my heart that she's able to retain that empathy, because with that single quality she'll always be able to change her little piece of the world.

The organization she's working with is now in the process of setting up a real clinic in the Dominican Republic and asking for contributions. I'm sending a small check today. Here's a short quote from their latest report, actually written by Molly.

"We currently do not have a building for our medical clinic. Our office is now being used as our make shift clinic but we are in need of a permanent multi purpose building. This will be a chapel, a much needed school room for our kids and a room for our medical clinic. The need for a clinic is overwhelming, last week we opened our doors for a medical outreach and cut off at over 300! Many of these were sick little children."

Below is where I'm sending my check, just in case you're moved to do the same-

Field, shipping and correspondence, address (business address):
Rick & Carie Bernard
DMG 15171
100 Airport Ave
Venice, FL 34285

I used to see ads on television, when I had one, for groups like Save The Children. I never got out of my chair and took the action to help. Here I sit, comfortable in my little plot of the world, and this time it's my own niece I would be failing to support. So, I'm off to write and post a check in a minute.

First, because I know Molly will read this, I want to thank her and all the others in the world, who don't just talk the talk, but also walk the walk. I'm going to aspire to be more like her.

Be well!

On Retaining Our Childlike Wonder

This has been a recurring theme for me, but I think it's partly because I feel it is so important to hold on to so many of the qualities children naturally have and we grow ourselves out of.

The other night the trailer park I live in had a power outage. Actually, it was pretty widespread, but since I don't have a television anymore I didn't know that until the next day.

Several of my neighbors came out into the circular driveway that other neighborhoods would laughingly call a street, milling around and vocally worrying about how long the lights would be out.

I was right in the midst of it, thinking about how long my food would last in the refrigerator and what the morning would be like getting ready for work if the power didn't come on by then. After a few minutes, we all drifted back to our own units, my section is almost exclusively travel trailers and RVs. I almost went into Wanda to read by the lights powered by my alternate battery, but as I was climbing in I spied one of my votive candles.

Instead of retreating into the snugness of my bed, I opted for sitting outside with the candle for company. What a great experience it was! Because of the power being out, there were no televisions blaring or even the sound of air conditioners, which are exceptionally loud in trailers, in case you didn't know. What I heard as I sat there was the chirp of crickets - just like in a campground.

I threw my feet up on the "visitor's" chair and relaxed into my own collapsible sling chair with arms and a spot for my drink, sipped on a Kaluha and cream, and listened to the night. I faced myself toward the retaining wall behind Wanda, which keeps us from falling into the tiny creek that runs behind her. Along with the sound show, I could enjoy the rustle of the leaves coming from the big old trees that hang over both Wanda and the creek.

Because it was so quiet, I also heard the squirrels scrambling across the branches and rustling the leaves themselves a bit.

Just about the time I was really getting into it, the power came back on and I couldn't help the disappointed "oh" that escaped my lips. I could have sat there another hour before finally heading to bed, and relished every minute of it.

This is the type of enjoyment of simple things that I can clearly remember having as a kid. I remember traveling across country in back of my folk's station wagon, which had a slanted back window that I could press my head against, propped up on a pillow, and watch the stars go by. That was pure bliss.

These moments are given to us everyday, but the adult world enters with its worries and cares and yanks them away if we're not careful. I almost lost my half-hour of joy, worrying about silly things that were non-issues just moments later. Developing and maintaining our child-like wonder should be a high priority for us as adults. I swear it will keep us sane.

Here's to wishing you a short power outage in your life soon.

PS - the photo is of another of my tiny pleasures, a tiny garden!